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After the September 11 attacks I traveled into NYC on business twice,
knowing that I wanted to get in touch with the suffering, healing
and resiliency of the people and the city. Experiencing ground zero
and Union Square Park, where people gathered in mourning, profoundly
moved me. I felt haunted by the fact that I was supposed to have been
at the Marriott Hotel located at the World Trade Center site on September
12.
After my visits to NYC on September 17 and 24, I felt a song somewhere
within me, and soon after I began writing it. I had a riff that I
created 12 months earlier and felt it could be the basis of this song.
A book I read about how people transition through change gave me an
idea for the structure of the verses.
I decided I would write the lyrics from the perspective of someone
who had been at WTC area during the attacks, and had escaped with
their life, which happened to a dozen of my colleagues. I spoke to
many of them as they made their way out of NYC that day and as they
regrouped mentally and emotionally during the following days and weeks.
I struggled with the chorus and the hook until I got something that
expressed both my perception and acceptance: something deep changed
for us as Americans and as human beings, we are not the same. So,
the hook became, "I'm not the same."
January 27, 2002
After a few months of work the song is now completed. During that
time my good friend and producer, Tony Juliano helped me fine-tune
the chord progressions in between the lines of the vocals. I worked
on the lyrics, particularly in the third verse. Tony suggested I alter
the hook from "I'm not the same'' to "I am not the same".
It might be a seemingly insignificant change, but as we worked on
the vocal delivery, it became important that the hook be a very emotional
statement describing the affect of the tragedy.
With the basic structure, the rhythm, completed lyrics and an idea
of the sound we wanted, we rehearsed one night with a drummer and
then a few days later put down the rhythm guitar, bass and drum
tracks in the studio. We recorded a guide vocal and left the tracks
with our engineer/guitarist/keyboard player Joey Stout. A few weeks
later we returned to the studio and listened to what Joey had added:
crunchy guitars, some keyboards and a killer guitar solo. We loved
what he did and didn't change anything. After adding a new vocal
track, we mixed it down and it is now available for you to download!
As a songwriter, the important thing was to capture the tragedy,
and my emotional reaction to it. I felt deeply compelled to make
a statement that says, "I will not and can not forget about
this event". It has angered me. It has saddened me. I want
to remember those who lost their lives and those who lost people
they loved. Below are the final lyrics to the song.
I Am Not the Same
(Johnson/Juliano)
© Don Johnson/Blue River Music
Fireball crackled like a nightmare in the stillness
Black cloud grabbed me like a dirty hand on my throat
Frozen in the moment, my eyes in the back of my head
Cursed at the darkness, ran like the devil
World gone crazy
Times are strange
I'm scared at night
I am not the same
Knelt in the garden and cried for my brothers
Screamed in the alley for my sister and her kids
Candles in the flowers burned away my tears
Face of the missing, held by the living
World gone crazy
Times are strange
I miss my friends
I am not the same
Been in the towers, looked out from a hundred and two
Stood in the grimey smell, smoke hangin' in the sky
Don't give me a slogan don't give me made for tv
Dial down the dogma, end my misery
World gone crazy
Times are strange
I miss my friends
I'm scared at night
I am not the same…
Here are my diary
comments with more detail about my visits to New York and how
the song was written and recorded.
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